You know, upon booting up Atomic Robo-Kid, I really thought I was in for another doosey. I had played the game a few times before throughout the years, probably for about thirty seconds each before putting down the controller, yawning, and saying "pass". I mean, honestly, at first glance, this is about as generic as you can get. But, after forcing myself to play through it, I see the simple, Alex Kiddian kind of hook it has going for it. It definitely has it's issues, but when he turns up the heat, this Kid can get Robo-riffic!



I...I'm sorry about that. Moving along...

In the most basic sense, ARK is a free-roaming sh'mup. Though you can choose to walk and jump and such, the vast majority of your time is spent flying. Most of the areas are claustrophobic and there's always tons of bullets flying everywhere, so things can get pretty hectic. To add to that, Robo-Kid is one damn bulky sprite, making maneuvering around bullets very tricky indeed. To make up for this most every bullet is slower than you are, meaning that some sweet acrobatic feats can be pulled off. Just check out this vid I shot of the second stage.



That video also highlights two...interesting features of ARK.

First off, we have the respawning enemies. Flying enemies (none of which are in the second level, but they're plentiful in others) stream at you in infinite numbers, and stationary enemies that you kill respawn almost the second their position leaves the screen. At first, I was friggin' pissed. I thought, "thas some hax bs right thar dood". But then I was all like, "hmm, maybe I just need to play differently...dood". Indeed, once you get it in your head that they'll respawn, you'll cut out the constantly backtracking to avoid bullets stuff and concentrate on bumrushing the levels. Ultimately, it wasn't an issue for me. It's just a design choice I'm pretty neutral about.


The second issue, which may not be as readily apparent, is that of checkpoints. More to the point, they're completely ****ing random. Sometimes you'll get started back at the beginning of the level. Fine, whatever. Next time, you might get started at a halfway point in the level. Alight, I can deal. I don't get why it didn't do that the first time, but it's all good. The time after that, they might just choose to start you at the beginning of the last frieking level you beat.

Seriously, I tried everything I could to find a pattern, but it's totally random. It's like...it's like when I go get fresh donuts for my wife and I at 5 in the morning. I have absolutely zero ****ing way of knowing if it'll be "You're so thoughtful this is just fab!!" or "You sick bastard are you just into chubby chicks or something, have you seen my arms lately??!" Yeah, arms. Don't ask me. Her arms are frieking sticks, and who notices chick's arms, anyway? Chicks and gay dudes, that's who. I mean, if they're just obscenely chunked or muscular or something, sure, but it has to be pretty freaky for me to notice. Otherwise, here's a tip: it ain't your arms we're looking at.

Arms. WTF.


Anyway, point is, it's totally screwed. And it's really a shame that they messed up something so fundamental. I mean, in the big scheme of things, you're playing this on MAME and have infinite quarters to pump into it, so I suppose it isn't really a deal breaker. Still, it can be pretty easy to get discouraged when all of a sudden you're dropped two levels back and have to retrace your steps. Oh hell, and one time - get this - they dropped me two levels back, I died, and then they dropped me back where I originally died. Yes, by dying, I actually progressed forward two levels.

I mean, in that case everything worked out fine, but it's the principle of the matter.

So, that's a biggie, but it will be more important to some people than it will be to others, and ARK does give you plenty of other incentives to keep on truckin'.

For example, though it doesn't have the kind of obvious variety found in other arcade games where they'll throw in a level or two with totally different gameplay, the levels actually mix things up quite a bit. Some are straight lines suited for charging ahead full steam, and others (like the level in the video) are more slow paced and tactical. There are also a good number of well-designed boss fights, and there's even a couple player vs player levels. If you're playing one player, of course, then the other one's a computer, but it's still really fun and intense. The playing field is so tiny that you would expect matches to be over in a matter of seconds, but they can also last quite a while if both of you get into the rhythm.


Like Alex Kidd, ARK is a deceptively simple game that's actually designed really well in some areas and delivers on hardcore, old-school action. It has plenty of glaring flaws and won't appeal to everyone, but if you're one of the ones that "gets it" and can overlook the WTF design choices, you're in for a pretty good time.

3/5