Radical Rom Reviews

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2008-10-12T00:22:00.000-07:00

Go over to my YouTube channel at www.YouTube.com/RadicalRomReviews! That's where all the action's at, d00d.

A spoonful of fail helps the noobert go down

2008-09-08T23:21:00.000-07:00

Ah, well geez. Hey.

I could give any number of excuses - I was originally going to simply say that I was visited by a strange creature that says I must find the Eight Stones of Aramath to fulfill my destiny and save the kingdom, with nothing to help me but my wits, a slightly magical sword, and this handy group of sidekicks - but the simple fact of the matter is that blogging has been pushed to the sideline due to other minor life concerns, such as making enough money to support my family and such.

So, what does the future hold? Eh, who knows. I certainly won't be abiding by any rigid posting schedule, that's for damn sure (what was I thinking? I know myself better than that. Hell, I have a whole closet full of pocket calender/organizers with only one week filled out in each, despite my initial resolve with each of them that they were the answer to my unreliable and disorganized lifestyle). Maybe I'll just drop it altogether, but I really do love blogging, so I hope not. More than likely I'll just post sporadically until I either decide to call it quits or dedicate the necessary time to it.

Whatever the case, I'm not going to let this thing be any kind of burden to me. I used it initially as a place to catalog my thoughts on the various roms I was playing through, and if anything that's what it will go back to. I got so tied up in the exciting possibility of actually being a blog that people read that I didn't slow down to realize that I was having to cripple other more important parts of my life in order to accommodate for that.

Ego bruised and slightly shaken, I soldier on. Or not. Who knows. If this is my last post, then at least I can say that it's been a fun ride. And if it's not, then...well, I guess I'll see you there.

- Frankie Leet

Friday Night Rom Review: Back Street Soccer

2008-09-05T18:00:00.000-07:00

Back Street Soccer

As any R3 regular knows, I'm a sucker for unrealistic sports games. While some might say that fact makes me more lenient towards games of that genre, it's actually quite the opposite - I've played most every noteworthy arcadey sports game out there, and don't have time to put up with any bull****.

In other words, I don't have the time to put up with Back Street Soccer.

Or rather, I didn't. But then I made time. I forced it in there against my will just for the sake of warning people of this simple fact: there are some great arcadey sports games on MAME, but this ain't one of 'em.

The things I do for y'all, I swear...

It would be easy for your average layperson to be initially optimistic about Back Street Soccer (fool!), as elements are present that point towards competency: decent Neo-Geo style graphics (er, well, we'll get to that in a second), simple control scheme, "wild" teams to choose from that always have at least one guy with a mohawk (wheee!), and gravity defying super moves. Unfortunately the graphics are ripped-off, the controls don't allow for gameplay resembling that elusive "fun" I hear some games produce, there are serious WTF moments when choosing your team, and I can't for the life of me figure out how to pull off the special moves. Allow me to tackle these issues in reverse.

When I first started playing BSS, I noticed that the computer was pwning me with these super fancy moves - kickups, jukes, ridiculous and impossible to stop power shots, crazy looking headers and one-timers, that kind of thing. Naturally, my first goal was to find out how to pull these things off. I never succeeded.

Now, maybe this puts a stain on my credibility in your eyes. Maybe someone will promptly email me or post a comment that explains how to do them. But let me tell you something: I've been a hardcore gamer for the past couple of decades. I've been there to experience all the types of ways special moves have been pulled off through the years. I've held buttons, double tapped them, did various joystick movements combined with button presses, pressed multiple buttons together, held one button while tapping another, held buttons while inputting joystick commands, and overall just tried everything until I figure out how things work. And if none of those things work, I look online to figure it out.

Alas, my efforts were no match against Back Street Soccer, and the special moves still elude me. I also can't find anything on the internet that explains how to do them, or indeed has any reference to them ever being pulled off by an actual human being. There's a total of one video on YouTube that makes any reference to the game, and he can't figure out how to do them either.

So at this point, as far as I'm concerned, they're there just to rub it in your face that you could (and should) be playing a much better game.

The next thing might not seem like that big of a deal, but it was enough to piss me off.

The first time I went to the team select screen, I noticed that it was a whole lot like the one found in Street Hoops, with each country having a team made up of four or five pallet-swapped character sprites. That's fine, at least it gives each team some kind of personality. The thing is, when I started rotating through the different countries, the team that displayed didn't change. So I stayed on one team for a bit to see if there was just some lag, and yes, the displayed players did change. And then they changed again. Problem was, I still hadn't moved my curser.

Yes, the team it shows actually has no bearing on which team you select. It cycles randomly at fixed intervals, and once you get into the game, your team will consist of different characters and a different uniform.

You might not think that's a huge deal, but it's something that really sums up the game as a whole. Sloppy, unfinished design mixed with an astounding lack of originality and utter absence of gameplay cohesion.

As far as the controls go, there isn't much to say other than they suck. Passes are inconsistent and rarely achieve what you wanted them to. Shots are also inconsistent, leaving you with no input on how you want to attack the goal. Lobbing the ball to yourself is pointless since it's so slow that it becomes a 50-50 toss up between you and the computer. Headers and footers are way too hard to accurately pull off and require pixel-perfect accuracy, which is hard to get thanks to the stilted movement controls. Those stilted controls are further aggravated by the obscene amount of auto-controlling that happens whenever you stop holding down a direction for a millisecond. On top of all this, you have a total of one thing you can do on defense, which is tackle.

And just to push this **** storm completely over the edge, much of the sprites were stolen from the much better Street Hoops. They might have been slightly altered, but there's just no excuse for downright theft.

Are there even any more bad things to say about this game? The graphics were stolen, the controls are ass, special moves are seemingly impossible to pull off, team selection is broken...hmm...I'm sure I can come up with something.

Well, the different teams have zero differences between them, with nothing in the way of varying attributes or special abilities...the playing field is way too tiny for the amount of characters in each game...the matches are laughably short, each lasting a whole 1:30 of in game time...the goalkeeper AI can go from God to ass in about three seconds time (I counted)...oh, and the overall AI is extremely rubber-bandy, to the point where you can often expect them to make at least a couple goals in the last 15 seconds if you're beating them.

Ass. Complete and total ass.

1/5

Weaksauce Wednesday: Awesome Possum

2008-09-03T18:00:00.000-07:00

Awesome Possum (Kicks Dr. Machino's Butt!)

Sweet Lord, here we go. Okay, so as I mentioned in last Monday's post, the Genesis had a whole lot of games come out that tried to cash in on Sonic's success. They're easy enough to spot - just look for a furry as the main character and an attempt to make the little bastard go fast through generic platforming stages. Besides a couple exceptions, these games are bad. Really bad.

Awesome Possum? It is by far the worst of them all, and I might even say that it's the very worst platform game ever released for mass consumption.

Awesome Possum hits all the major points that go to make a bad Sonic clone. Generic furry with an "attitude"? Check. Jerky scrolling that totally breaks the game's attempt at speed? Check. Sticky controls? Dear God check. Horrible level design that is confusing, impossible to navigate without constantly running into enemies you don't see until it's too late, has tons of bottomless pits and other insta-kills that you wouldn't be able to know about unless you memorized the level, and has a tile set that's repeated throughout the entire game? Check, check, check, and check.

Not content with just being a completely broken game, they also stuff that "environmental awareness" crap on you that was so popular in the early 90's. Something about deforestation or something, who cares.

What does this amount to? Nothing much, really. Your character occasionally spouts off some cheeky remark about saving the environment, your enemies are robots that have chainsaws, it's set in the rain forest, and - here's the kicker - you're given trivia questions in between levels that sometimes have something to do with being "green" (as hybrid owning pricks call it these days).

Here's a tip for developers thinking of adding some in-between level trivia: well, for one, how about don't. But if you just have to, then have some trivia that somebody might actually, you know, know the answer to. And if you can't even do that (you sick ****er), then for the love of God, take it easy on us! Don't give us an impossible question that nobody in their right mind would know and then frieking berate us like we just took a dump on your mother's chest or something.

The icing on the cake is the digitized speech. While that kind of thing was pretty novel at the time, there are a total of about 6 lines in the entire game, and your character says one of them literally about every fifteen seconds.

What more is there to say? I can't think of a better game to start Weaksauce Wednesday's off with, because this is one of the very worst ever made.

Megadrive Monday: Bubba 'n' Stix

2008-09-01T18:00:00.000-07:00

Bubba 'n' Stix

Unlike the SNES, there isn't a huge amount of great games for the Genesis that most of the gaming community doesn't already know about. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the system. Over the years I've flip-flopped more times than I care to remember between thinking the Genesis was overall better than the SNES and vice-versa, and some of my all-time favorite games are on the system.

That said, it's just a simple fact that the Genesis doesn't have the sheer volume of great games that can be found in the SNES library. Another strike against it is that there were few games of note that didn't get translated into English at some point, and as such there has never been a large fan translation community for the system. The bad thing about that, of course, is that there aren't as many new titles to find out about that we couldn't have played back in the day.

Even still, I can't wait to do segments on games like General Chaos, Haunting starring Polterguy, Mutant League Football, and Toejam and Earl. I don't focus purely on obscure games here at R3, but I'll be the first to admit that the less well known something is, the more likely I am to cover it. I just like the idea of introducing new games to people a lot more than retreading the same old ground just for nostalgia's sake.

Fortunately, I think Bubba 'n' Stix is very likely to lean towards the former.

One likely reason that this game was/is so overlooked (outside of poor distribution) is that there were just so many poor platformers for the system that tried to cash in on Sonic. There are a couple good'ns - the classic Rocket Knight Adventures comes to mind - but mostly we're dealing with crap like Awesome Possum. So, it wouldn't be hard to imagine people assuming that Bubba 'n' Stix would be along those lines, but they would be very, very wrong.

For one, BnS is centered purely around puzzles. There is some "combat" (and I use that term loosely), but most of your time is spent working out various environmental puzzles. And oh, what puzzles they are.

The bad news is that much of what makes the puzzles difficult comes from the control scheme and finicky hit detection. Since so much of the controls revolve around context sensitive actions, you're often left trying random things to see if you can possibly interact in some way with the environment. That's then aggravated by by the hit detection, which is loose when it comes to enemies but demands pixel-perfect accuracy when dealing with other interactions. Furthermore, the controls overall are a bit sticky, and level layouts can be confusing and overwhelming.

Yeah, I know. This is supposed to be a recommendation.

...and it is. Calm down, the game's friggin' great.

Despite these myriad flaws, it's easy to fall in love with BnS. Er, well, at the very least, fall in lust...this is one damn pretty Genesis game. The colors are just outstanding, the animation is top-notch, and there's always so much going on to make the game world really feel alive.

Yeah, the puzzles are tricky, and often not for the right reasons. When puzzles are hard not because of legitimate challenge but because of poor design we're supposed to fault the game, right? Well...I don't know, but for some reason, it actually kind of works in BnS's favor. You'll be surprised at some of the ways you can interact with the environment, and many of the solutions are actually pretty clever. Overall, there's always a great sense of accomplishment after you've completed a particularly tricky one.

There's plenty of masochistic lovin' to go around in Bubba 'n' Stix, and it's sure to appeal to hardcore retro types that have a good deal of patience and a mind for these kind of puzzles. Check it out.

Super NES Sunday: Seiken Densetsu 3

2008-08-31T18:00:00.000-07:00

Seiken Densetsu 3

Seiken Densetsu 3 is the game that would have been Secret of Mana 2 had it been released outside of Japan (the first in the series was known as Final Fantasy Adventure in the States and appeared on the original Game Boy). There's a whole slew of controversy surrounding the fact that it was never released over here, the furiousness of which has only been rivaled by the Mother 3 debacle. There are people that claim that the release of the also excellent Secret of Evermore somehow had something to do with Square putting a stop to the translation, but the truth is that we'll probably never know why.

But who gives a crap? Since 2000 we've had easy access to everything we need to get our grubby little hands on this magnificent title: ZSnes, SeikenDensetsu3(J).smc, and of course, a working and full translation. So if you haven't played it yet, I have but one question:

Dude, what the crap??

Since the release of the first working fan translation back in 2000, SD3 has become one of (if not the) most beloved cult classics the venerable SNES has to offer, so what better way to start off Super NES Sundays? If you haven't played it or it's little brother Secret of Mana, here's the scoop:

The Seiken Densetsu series was originally intended to be an action offshoot of Final Fantasy, but quickly developed such a personality and world of it's own that it cut it's ties with the formidable series. And really, outside of the general tone and setting, it's hard to see much resemblance between the two; in Seiken Densetsu the action takes place in real time, the RPG elements are minimal, the art style is more light-hearted and cartoony, and multiplayer is not only present but will in fact melt your ****ing face with it's sheer superawesomeness.

At the start you're given a choice of one main character and two side characters out of a pool of six. You can name them whatever you want, which means that you could name someone "I Say" to make everyone that talks to them sound like Foghorn Leghorn, or do the right thing and name everyone Sephiroth.

As you would guess, the story plays out differently based on who you choose as your main and secondary characters. All in all there are "only" three main plot lines, but they still differ quite a bit depending on who exactly you choose.

Now, couple that with the fact that each character has two different chances to change classes, each time with the option of "light" or "dark" which affect how your character progresses. I suck at math so I won't even attempt it, but there are just a ton of different ways you can play the game. Can you say "replay value"?

Oh yeah, and there's also sweet a sweet three player multiplayer patch (it's usually limited to two), simple but effective action RPG combat, special moves, leveling up, loot, good storylines, an epic world, great graphics, and one of the best soundtracks on the SNES. What, too many superlatives? DEAL. This is one of the very best games on the SNES and easily lands a spot on my top ten of all time, all platforms included.

Yeah, that's right, I went there.

If you haven't played Seiken Densetsu 3 yet then you had better make room in your own top ten lists, because it's comin' for yo' ass and it's all out of lube.

R3 Will Return on 8.31, Better than Ever!

2008-08-16T23:17:00.000-07:00

No, Radical Rom Reviews is not taking a break. Far from it, actually. Let me explain.

As my blogging has progressed, full-on reviews have become more and more of a timesink. I really love putting up videos with commentary and having long, detailed, and *SHOCK!* edited reviews, but it's hard to find that kind of time in between being a full time worker, husband, and father.

So, I've been trying to come up with good content I could post in between reviews (DON'T CALL IT FILLER!). I've done a couple of things, but the main problem I've had was with timing: with my busy schedule, it's hard to post things on any kind of a regular basis.

My solution? Work a couple weeks ahead of schedule and make everything come out at the same time each week. To do this, of course, I have to take a couple of weeks off from posting so that I can catch up.

But don't fret, because I've come up with some really cool stuff.

I've decided to go with a format that's completely based on recurring segments, and they are as follows:

Super NES Sundays: not complete reviews in the way I do MAME games, and not in alphabetical order. Instead, these are general recommendations for great games, along with a description of what it's like, historical relevance, and my thoughts on it.

Megadrive Mondays: the same thing as above, but (you guessed it) with Genesis games!

Weaksauce Wednesdays: a special R3 look at the absolute worst games found on NES, SNES, Genesis, and whatever other systems I come across.

Friday Night Rom Reviews: each and every Friday night you'll find the bread and butter of R3: full length reviews of most of the games found on MAME, A to Z, and with video accompanied by yours truly!

Every post will be up at 6:00 PM sharp (Central time). In between there's sure to be plenty of unscheduled rants, unsolicited raves, and uncalled-for monologues.

I know it will be a long, hard couple of weeks for you R3 faithful, but you can be sure that things will be suitably epic around here next month.

Until then -

Frankie Leet

Graduate Games presents: The Magic Toy Chest

2008-08-14T00:12:00.000-07:00

R3's good friends over at Graduate Games have just released their latest game, titled The Magic Toy Chest! Head on over to this page to score a free demo, and to unlock the full game for a paltry $19.95.

Now, let me set the record straight on something: while I'm all about spreading the word about my fellow bloggers in the VG Media Network and would gladly inform my readers into any major things going on in their respective worlds, the best most of them would get would be a small blurb at the end of an update or video review, just out of courtesy. However, Graduate Games has come up with something really special here, and I want to take the time to tell you about it so that hopefully some more retro gaming enthusiasts out there will check it out.

The vibe in The Magic Toy Chest is deceptively cute, and while I'm sure that it would be a great game for the younger set, it also has a whole lot of meat in there for anyone to dig into. Like recent games such as the incredible Boom Blox, the levels that come with the package are only half of the fun. The other half comes from the comprehensive editor tools which really allow you to use your imagination and come up with some great contraptions.

The premise of the game is that you have to clean up your room. In practice that means using the physics (which feel great and are really fun to play around with) to guide various toys scattered around the level into the toy chest. The game is completely 2D, which gives it a look and feel that retro enthusiasts should love, and the colors are bright and vivid.

I had a hell of a time just playing around with the physics and seeing what all I could come up with. Every task can be completed in a number of ways, and you're scored on how quickly and efficiently you reached your goals. High score junkies are going to find a well balanced, challenging, and thoroughly engaging experience to dig into, and even those that usually aren't into going for high scores will find themselves saying "just one more try..." and getting addicted to perfection.

Whether you're a high score junkie, creative level-editor, casual, or retro gamer, you're bound to find plenty to love about The Magic Toy Chest. I give it my highest recommendation, and heavily suggest that everyone that reads this at least pick up the free demo. It's obvious that Graduate Games do what they do purely out of their love of videogaming, and their latest lovechild is a wonderful example of what a couple of creative minds can achieve when they're really passionate about what they do.

Free demo: http://www.graduategames.com/toygame.php

What makes a game fun?

2008-08-10T16:31:00.000-07:00

It seems that whenever I read a post by Daniel Primed, something strikes a chord and I can't help but start pontificating on the subject. So, it got me to thinking - why not just post those ramblings on here? After all, I've been thinking that I need to add in some kind of content between reviews, since they've been requiring so much more work than before to be up to my current standards. Because of that the reviews are bound to be more spread apart than I'd like, so in between them I'll do my best to amuse you with some random pontificating on all things gaming. And hey, maybe something will strike a chord with you that'll make you want to spam my comment section with long winded, semi-related rants.

The topic that I've been thinking about recently (as a direct result of my review of B.C. Story) is the ridiculously broad question "what makes games fun?" After all, when you take a look at any game, it eventually breaks down into this equation: input commands into a controller and see a stylized representation of those inputs based on the laws present within the game. If those inputs fall in line with the goal of the game, then you can progress. If not, then you don't.

Fit the sprinting minigame from B.C. Story into that equation. The required method of input is rotating the joystick. The goal is to input faster than the set speed that the computer inputs at (or whoever you're playing against in multiplayer). The game gives you a visual representation of your progress that is based on how fast you input the commands on the joystick.

What happens if we were to break the visual aspect down to the simplest possible requirements? Well, we would just have some meter on the screen that fills up as you rotate the joystick. Fill it up faster than your opponent, and you win.

Then again, let's look at a game like Pacman. At it's bare minimum, the goal of the game is to cover all the ground of a maze and not occupy the same space as the computer controlled characters. Now think about it if you stripped away every aspect of the visuals until you have the bare minimum required to execute the concept. Pacman is just a circle, the ghosts are just squares, there are no colors or sounds - just the bare essence of the gameplay. Still pretty fun, right?

I think so. Even on that level there's something about that gameplay that can elicit the thrill of being chased, the excitement of close calls, the grandiosity of turning the tables with a power pellet, and the feeling of accomplishment after successfully covering every square inch of the playing field.

None of this is to say that presentation doesn't matter, or can't add anything to the game; I'll get to that in a minute. The point is that you can tell a lot about the worth of a game by seeing how it holds up when broken down to it's most basic elements. It is only then that you can really see if there is anything inherently fun with the gameplay.

That brings us to the initial question: what makes a game fun? With the Pacman example, you could say that much of the fun is derived from those emotions the base gameplay evokes. Add in iconic imagery, sound, and production, and you have a classic on your hands. Obviously other factors come into play when talking about why specifically Pacman struck such a chord and is remembered the way it is, but even taking away those elements it's not hard to see why it still holds up so well.

So on the one side of the coin we have the gameplay, which is where we see how much fun is inherit in the basic idea. On the other we have the presentation, which is a bit more fickle of a matter.

Presentation has the ability to take an average base for a game and make it soar to new heights, for it is the only thing that can effectively mask the interaction between game and player. For an example, let's look at last gen's Shadow of the Colossus. Broken down to a base level, the gameplay is fairly simple: you're given a character with certain attributes and abilities, and you have to use those in conjunction with the possible ways to interact with your enemies in order to find their weak spot and defeat them.

Obviously it's harder to imagine games with more depth and complexity as broken down like the Pacman example, but still, assuming that everything was visually represented in an understandable way and the mechanics all worked smoothly, I would imagine that the base gameplay would be fairly decent. Nothing especially fantastic, but it works.

On top of that, however, we have a presentation that pushes the game to completely new heights. When playing it the first time, more emotions were pulled out of me than most other forms of media have ever managed: I felt a tangible sense of awe and wonder, I felt pity and sadness, I felt conflicted...and that's not to mention the honest-to-goodness sense of vertigo.

The upside to this level of presentation is that it has the ability to transform your gameplay experience into something that transcends normal emotions one gets from the base gameplay, thus sticking with the user for a longer period of time. The downside is that the experience is much more fleeting. I'll never again feel that sense of utter wonder as I traverse the countryside in SotC; I've spent too much time there already, and the moment has passed. Not completely, not forever, but it's pretty much passed. And while I might have come down with a case of vertigo the first couple of times, after a few retries of the same boss the feeling gets subdued.

In contrast, the emotions felt from excellent base gameplay rarely fade. They might not have as much range or as much impact, but I don't know of anyone that won't still get a little jumpy as they try to eat that last ghost when they know the pellet will wear off any millisecond.

To sum it up, we have base gameplay with no bells or whistles that has the potential for limited but never-fading base emotions; presentation to hide the base gameplay that has the potential for unlimited but fleeting emotions; and, obviously, the other elements that have to be up to par for either to be effective (responsive controls, working gameplay mechanics, stable game and graphics engines, et cetera).

The thing that I love about retro gaming, aside from the memories, is the simplicity. I love newer games as well, but the complexity of newer games is oftentimes a detriment to me. Designers feel they need to keep making the base gameplay more complicated in order to be able to offer a more compelling presentation, but the more layers you add, the more likely it is that the whole thing is going to crumble in on itself because of some weak spot. Like I said, the other elements such as play control, stability, and working gameplay mechanics have to be up to par with the base gameplay, which gets more and more harder the more complex that base gameplay is. Otherwise, it mars the entire package.

Because of the simplicity found in so much of retro gaming, good controls and working gameplay elements are less of a concern. You don't deal as much with things like camera issues, framerate chugging, or controls that try to make you convey things that are simply beyond their scope (such as accurately manipulating objects in 3D space, or having too many moves and not enough buttons).

Granted, the downside to retro gaming is that the presentation often does little to mask the interaction between player and computer, let alone immerse the player in different realms (though they once were able to awe people into just that) - but unlike a good foundation gameplay, those elements are optional. Games don't have to have good presentations or stories that make you cry in order to have worth, but they do have to have good gameplay.

So, what makes a game fun? Well, lots of things can, and ultimately, every single thing about the word "fun" is subjective.

At the end of the day, every single person really knows what is fun to them, and maybe for some people analyzing it to death somewhat devalues the experience...but to me, the more I can express what it is that I love about games, the more I can spread my love of the greatest damn medium the human race has ever come up with. I don't know whether or not I've done anything anywhere in this post to do any of that, but at the very least I hope that I sparked someone to think into these things on their own - and maybe then you'll be the one ranting endlessly on your blog trying to answer impossible questions.

B.C. Story

2008-08-09T15:50:00.001-07:00

B.C. Story

Minigames, moreso than any other type of game, tend to break that elusive fourth wall of videogaming. I don't mean that they slyly wink at the player as a way of saying "Hey, look, you're playing a videogame!", I mean that the mechanics are oftentimes completely transparent. Look at something like the original Mario Party, which had so many games where the only thing required of the player was to rotate the joystick. In essence, each of those minigames would work the same if they just had a plain bar on screen that filled up as you rotated and went "DING!" when it reached the top. The action going on is nothing more than a stylized representation of that bar.

In a way, you could say the same thing for every single game ever made - that they're just visually stylized representations of a program that is essentially just requiring you to input various commands. The difference is that minigames such as those found in games like Mario Party are a whole lot easier to decode and see in this light. Given the sales of games like these it's obvious that there's a large audience out there that doesn't seem to mind, but the fact is that most people that consider gaming to be more than a casual pastime don't have time for such tripe.

Unfortunately, that tripe is pretty much all that B.C. Story has going for it, besides some hilarious engrish.

Seriously, just take a look at the sole explanation of the "story" in B.C. Story, found on the attract screen:

Once upon a time, our ancestors introduced that lived erect a tribe to center of greates a patriarch.

The method of elect a patriarch is very peculiar then a volcano burst into erution elect of a patriarch convention is open the winner elected a patriarch.

And then, someday. Finally, a volcano burst into eruption so many people compete very keen with elected a patriarch. At lost, a three challenger lived a final round...

I swear to God, I couldn't make this **** up if I tried.

So, there's one thing going for it. Another, as you can see, is that B.C. Story has a likable and attractive, if somewhat generic, cartoon art style. Other than that, there isn't much praise I can give to it.

Most minigame collections these days do offer a handful of games that break that fourth wall I talked about in the opening paragraph, but then sprinkle in some games with a bit more depth in order to round out the package. B.C. Story offers no such variety, instead opting to drill the player with simple "rotate the joystick" and "mash the buttons" games from beginning to end. Because there are no breaks from the simplicity, it's easy to get philosophical about the meaning of games.

I mean, this is really breaking down what it means to be a game in the scientific sense - you press buttons, and things happen on screen that represent your level of progress in pressing the specific buttons the game wants you to press. This could in some way be said for all games, but usually there are levels of depth and complexity that effectively blur and confuse this bare-naked premise. In B.C. Story, however, it's easier than ever to see that bar that I talked about. Hell, sometimes it's literally visible.

Take away the graphical dressing provided, but keep those yellow bars. What do you have? Fundamentally, the exact same experience.

Maybe this isn't sounding fair - after all, a ton can be said about the effects that presentation can have on a game. For example, one could break down a game like Bioshock (or Biogod, as it's known in the circles I run in) in this way all day long, until you get to the bare-bones, scientific premise behind the game. But in doing so, you're completely losing out on what makes the game so fantastic, which is so much more than the sum of the parts - it's the atmosphere, the electricity, and the experience. It's a current pinnacle of brilliant game design.

Come on now, though - we're hardly talking about Biogod here. We're not talking about something that delivers on the atmosphere, the electricity, and the experience - we're talking about cartoony sprites that, while completely inoffensive, don't do anything to hide what is ultimately a preschool experience.

On top of all of this, the games themselves have ridiculously twisted learning curves. While most of them could be thoroughly pwned with little effort by a three year old playing for the first time, others require multiple playthroughs in order to figure out exactly how to excel at them. If the juvenile game design didn't completely put you off before, the uneven difficulty is sure to finish you off.

As far as the score goes, I have to go back a bit on all the trash I've been talking about it - because despite everything, I actually had some fun playing B.C. Story. Mostly it fun at the game's expense, but it was fun regardless. And as much as I hate this kind of game design 101 bull****, I have to admit that I could see a couple A&F twits named Chad and Brittany that don't know anything about videogames having fun trying to mash buttons quicker than the other while they drool on the joystick and fiddle with their hairlips.

Just for you, Chad and Brittany, I'll add an extra point, a smiley-face sticker, and a "GTFO so I can review some worthwhile games pls".

2/5

B.C. Kid

2008-08-03T07:52:00.001-07:00

B.C. Kid

Known to American gamers as Bonk's Adventure, and elsewhere as a number of different titles (B.C. Kid, PC Kid, etc), this arcade version is hardly known to anybody. I was trying to do some research about the game online, and all I found was a blurb here or there that simply acknowledged it's existence. All the major resources out there focus purely on the console versions, leaving this arcade version out to rot. I don't understand why, though; whatever title you want to give it, this caveman game will knock your socks off right back to the stone age!

You know, I've really got to quit with these cheeky openings. It's just, God, they feel so good and right, man. It's like how I get my fix these days. That's the stuff, give daddy some more...hoooo yeah...

o_0

Moving right along...

That opening was also bad because it's a bit misleading - I really can't give B.C. Kid my wholehearted recommendation without prefacing it a bit. So, let the prefacing begin!

Most of the issues I have with the game are fairly minor, but the biggie is just how frieking difficult it is. Yeah yeah I know, "BAAAAAAWWW it's too hard!!!", get over it. Complaining about difficulty is perfectly legitimate as long as you're not just secretly complaining about your lack of skills as a gamer, and come on now, look at how you're dealing with here. They don't call me Frankie Leet for nothin'.

Haters just need to realize that there are different kinds of difficulty. There's the kind that is perfectly manageable through memorization, skills, patience, and practice, like Alex Kidd: The Lost Stars and Aurail. Then, you have a totally different beast, the kind of game that's hard because of poor design choices and unmanageable cheapness. Unfortunately, B.C. Kid falls squarely into the latter category.

The good news is that it doesn't go there until the later levels. In fact, the earlier ones can be downright pleasant platforming experiences. Skip ahead to the later ones, though, and get ready for flaming hordes of Death Incarnate to come give you an un-lubed pleasure party.

Just take a look while I walk you through the first three levels, and then skip ahead to a later boss fight.

I know a few of you were just itching to rape the comment section with your unsolicited opinions about my lack of skillz, but come on now, does that boss battle do nothing to warm your cold heart and make you feel a smidge of pity for me? I mean, that was just ridiculous. Maybe some savant out there can figure out a pattern or strategy to make that manageable, but to my eyes that was just a gigantic German gangbang with me playing the part of the poor American chap caught unwillingly in the middle.

So, there you have it. Still interested? If so (you sick bastard), you're actually in for a pretty good time.

See, most everything else about the game is actually pretty ace. The graphics are bright and have a likable art style, the controls are responsive and allow for pinpoint platforming, there are some cool powerups to get, and it has a few things that differentiate itself from the Alex Kidd's and Mario's of the world.

In a feature that's not found in any other version of the game (that I know of), you're charged with the task of carrying a ball of some kind from one end of the level to the other. Whether it be a football, basketball, soccer ball, or whatever, they can all be knocked away from you by enemies and then, with quick reflexes and some luck, picked back up again. At the end of the level you're given a goal that you try to reach at it's highest point (via some conveniently placed springs). It doesn't do anything for you besides heaping on a whole lot of points, but it's still a nice touch that I really enjoyed.

Other than that, you're just looking at a well made (aside from the previously mentioned irks) action platformer that delivers on old-school gaming goodness. And even with said irks, it's easy to get quickly back to the action, especially if you mess with the dipswitch settings I talked about in the video. So, you might be dying a lot, but it still doesn't drain all of the fun out of it.

Highly flawed and not for everybody, B.C. Kid still pulls away from the pack as a platformer that all hardcore fans of the genre should check out.

4/5

Shortened video version of the #-A awards

2008-08-02T22:01:00.001-07:00

This won't mean too much to R3 regulars, but I thought I might as well post this here too. It's basically just an intro to Radical Rom Reviews, along with a few of the awards. Enjoy.

The Best and Worst of MAME: #-A

2008-07-31T05:53:00.001-07:00

Whew! Two and a half weeks, 42 posts, and 39 reviews later, I've finally finished with the # and A sections. Like I said before, though, I'm not going to be reviewing every game out there. The reasons vary, but mostly it's either because I don't have the proper controls to do the game justice, the game doesn't run properly in MAME, it's an extremely well known game (seriously, do you need me to do a review of Asteroids?), or it's simply too unremarkable to spend any time with (mostly random sh'mups that nobody cares about).

Out of the ones I didn't review, though, there are a few I would like to recommend.

For some reason, even though I have a sweet X-Arcade Dualstick, some games that require button mashing don't work right. But if you can figure out how to do it, I highly recommend you check out '88 Games and 3 Count Bout. Both would probably score in the 4 range from me.

Those of you with trackballs should get a kick out of American Horseshoes and of course the classic Arkanoid games.

Some games I skipped because of emulation issues, but if you can get them to work right, I recommend checking out A.B. Cop, After Burner 2, Apache 3, and Aqua Jack.

For the most part, I stick to games from the late 80's and the 90's. I was born in '84, so those games are more my specialty, and for some reason I find it kind of hard to review games from the 70's and early 80's based on today's standards. However, for good old-school action, I recommend the following games: 10-Yard Fight, 720 Degrees, Ali Baba and 40 Thieves, Alpine Ski, Anteater, and obviously Asteroids. This section also included the Atari sports games, if you're into that kind of thing. Lord knows I'm not. Ugh.

One game I highly, highly recommend though is APB - All Points Bulletin. Unfortunately I could never replicate the control scheme well enough to be able to do it justice in a review, but rest assured that it's an incredible game that would have scored either a 4 or a 5.

Onto the awards! One note: disregard the original scores I gave to these games. Hell, I know I am. My mind can change extremely quickly, and I never claimed to be the King of Consistency. I'm just doing my best to ask these questions and come up with my personal answers on the spot: which five games should be nominated for this category, and which game out of these five deserves it the most. If those answers coincide with the scores I gave, then great; but I wouldn't be surprised if some of them don't.

Best Graphics/Presentation

Nominees:

Alien Storm
Asterix
Alien vs Predator
Armored Warriors
Arch Rivals

And the winner is...
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Asterix!

It might be the second oldest game on the list, so it might be surprising to some people that I consider Asterix and Arch Rivals to be the front runners in this category - but keep in mind that I'm talking less about sheer technical prowess and more about the graphical look, style, and presentation...and in those categories, both of these games win out over the competition, with Asterix coming in first by a smidgen.

Fans of the series were surely amazed when they first laid eyes on the Konami b'mup back in '92. Especially considering how old it is, it's extremely impressive just how much they captured the look and style of the comics and cartoons. In every level there's an extraordinary amount of detail, and just so much life. The characters are expressive, the colors bright and vivid, and everything about it makes it feel like you're playing through the cartoon.

Best Controls

Nominees:

2020 Super Baseball
Armed Police Batrider
Alex Kidd: The Lost Stars
1000 Miglia: Great 1000 Miles Rally
1944: The Loop Master

And the winner is...
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Armed Police Batrider!

APB is hard. Seriously friggin' hard. This cannot be understated. What can also not be understated is that you could never blame your death on the controls.

Like every other bullet hell sh'mup, Armed Police Batrider throws a ludicrous amount of crap at you, thus requiring Godlike reflexes to excel - but what good are those reflexes if they don't translate to the on-screen action? Thankfully, APB never once drops the ball in this area. Your...um..."bat" (I suppose...looks like an airplane to me, but they're not called "Airplaneriders", so whatever) is as quick and nimble as your fingers can make him be, and it's because of this that the entire game works in the first place.

Best Story

Nominees:

Avenging Spirit
Armored Warriors
Alligator Hunt
Alien vs Predator
64th Street: A Detective Story

And the winner is...
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Alligator Hunt!

Let's face it: when it comes to arcade gaming, story has got to be the least important aspect. With all the flashing lights, blaring music, people waiting their turn to play, and trash talk, arcades have never been the best environment for developers to tell a story. Thankfully, few of them really try.

So, the most I ask for is a chuckle or two, and Alligator Hunt does that a hell of a lot better than any other game on this list. It has some great Engrish, the voice acting is done in a hilarious Russian accent (which seems odd since it's made by a Spanish company and seems aimed at an American audience), and your 8 year old skater boy hits on his Russian co-pilot like he's a man, man. What more could you ask for?

Worst Game

Nominees:

The Astynax
Altered Beast
Avengers in Galactic Storm
Athena
Arabian Fight

And the winner is...
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The Astynax!

This was a weird one to decide. After all, I totally ripped into Altered Beast, and Avengers in Galactic Storm was so bad that I didn't even bother doing a proper review for it. The difference, though, is that those games actually had some redeeming values - namely, they were so bad, it was hilarious. The Astynax, however, is so terribly boring that it's hard to even find any comedic value in it. When a game is so bad that it doesn't even deserve a couple laughs at it's expense...well, you know you're dealing with a steaming POS. For this, The Astynax takes the crown.

Best Action Game
(includes platformers, action platformers, run'n'guns, and shooters)

Nominees:

Alligator Hunt
Alex Kidd: The Lost Stars
Avenging Spirit
Arabian
Alien Storm

And the winner is...
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Alligator Hunt!

It's probably the least well known on the list, but Alligator Hunt is also a fantastic game, and type of game that has only been attempted a few times in gaming history. It's hard to see why, though - Alligator Hunt, like it's brothers Cabal and Blood Bros., is hugely fun. From the broken dialog to breaking alien faces, it's unlikely that you'll be bored for a single second as you fly through this game at a breakneck pace.

Best Beat'em Up

Nominees:

Armored Warriors
Alien vs Predator
Arabian Magic
Asterix
64th Street: A Detective Story

And the winner is...
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Armored Warriors!

Let me tell you, this one was the closest one so far. It took me a while to decide between Armored Warriors and Alien vs Predator. Two classic b'mups from the best b'mup developer of all time, Capcom, going head to head...but in the end, I just had to go with Armored Warriors. AvP might also be a classic, but when it comes down to it, AW simply brings more to the table. From the unique style and setting to the interchangable parts to the ability to transform into a giant mech with your buddies, AW let's you do things that haven't since ever been replicated in a b'mup. And for this, it just barely wins my vote over the equally enjoyable AvP.

Best Sh'mup

Nominees:

Armed Police Batrider
Aero Fighters 3
Acrobatic Dog-Fight
1944: The Loop Master
Aurail

And the winner is...
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Armed Police Batrider!

This one was another toughie, but this time it was a good fight between all of them (minus Aurail, that honestly never stood a chance). But really, nothing can beat out the sheer number of selectable planes, weapons, bombs, and sheer bullet hell madness found in Armed Police Batrider, one of my favorite sh'mups of all time.

Looking at it on paper, few games (even current ones) hold a candle to APB; and coincidentally, it also has the fun factor to match. I recommend it highly to anybody that has a passing interest in the genre.

Best Game: Other

Nominees:

Aggressors of Dark Kombat
Arch Rivals
2020 Super Baseball
2 On 2 Open Ice Challenge
1000 Miglia: 1000 Miles Rally

And the winner is...
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Arch Rivals!

With such an open ended category this one was bound to be a tough decision, and it certainly didn't disappoint. I easily could have picked any game on the list, and for totally different reasons...but overall I've just gotta go with the classic Arch Rivals. It's truly a feat of game design that it's able to hold it's own against any other arcade sports game ever released, and is still head and shoulders above anything being released today (not that that's such an accomplishment...Blitz: The League? Fifa/NFL Street? Subpar arcade sports game with Mario characters painted on? Give me a break...).

Best Game

Nominees:

Arch Rivals
Armored Warriors
Armed Police Batrider
Alligator Hunt

And the winner is...
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Armored Warriors!

When you look at the nominees for best overall game of #-A, it breaks down like this: you have a classic arcade sports game that's infinitely playable but not without it's flaws, a sh'mup with a ton of content, a bizarre little game that's great but honestly never stood a chance at best in show, and Armored Warriors. It came down between the latter and Arch Rivals, but unlike AR I really don't have too much to complain about with AW. It still holds the test of time as one of the greatest and most unique b'mups ever made, and considering how crowded that genre is in the arcade scene, that's saying a whole hell of a lot. To me, Armored Warriors is the best game you can find on MAME that starts with either a number or A.

So, there we have it! Two down, 25 more to go.

Before we call it a day on this post, though, here's a little something to whet your appetite for what's coming up in the B's. Keep in mind that I reserve the right to totally change my mind when it comes to anything on this list, but as of right now, here are the games starting with B that I'm planning to review.

B.C. Kid
B.C. Story
Back Street Soccer
Backfire
Bad Dudes vs Dragonninja
Bagman
Bang Bang Ball
Bang Bead
Baseball Stars Series
Basketball
Batsugun
Battlantis
Battle Bakraid
Battle Chopper
Battle Circuit
Battle Flip Shot
Battle K-Road
Battle Lane! Vol. 5
Battle Rangers
Battle Toads
Bay Route
Bells & Whistles
Ben Bero Beh
Beraboh Man
Big Karnak
Biomechanical Toy
Bionic Commando
Black Heart
Black Panther
Black Tiger
Blade Master
Blasted
Blazing Star
Block Carnival
Blomby Car
Blood Bros.
Blood Storm
Blue Print
Blue's Journey
Bomber Man World
Bombjack Twin
Bonanza Bros.
Bonze Adventure
Boogie Wings
Boomer Rang'r
Bosconian
Break Thru
Breakers
Brisles
Brute Force
Bubble Bobble series
Buccaneers
Bucky O'Hare
Bump 'n' Jump
Burger Time
Burning Fight
Burning Force
Burning Rival
Butasan

Avenging Spirit

2008-07-30T07:10:00.001-07:00

Avenging Spirit

For a game released in '91, Avenging Spirit has a pretty huge ambition: to let the player take control of any enemy they see, sans bosses. While big ambitions are oftentimes the downfall of games, whether they be retro or current, this time it actually works and ends up saving what would otherwise be a pretty boring game.

You play the part of a ghost who's sent to rescue some chick. Instead of making pottery and listening to The Righteous Brothers, though, you're tasked with inhabiting the bodies of your enemies in order to use their l33t skillz and progress through the levels. At the very start you're given a choice of four characters to possess, and in what might be my favorite part of the game, you're then allowed to destroy the lifeless vessels of those poor bodies you didn't choose. Awesome.

There are something like 21 different characters you can control, each with different stats in the areas of health, jumping ability, speed, weight (how much they float in the air), weapon type, and strength. At the beginning there's a pretty steady flow of new characters introduced, but the last couple of stages offer few surprises. There are two exceptions, though; the laser guy can only be found in one area in the last level of the game, and there's also a super secret character you can only get if you managed to collect three keys by the end.

I don't spoil those how to get those two characters, but here's a montage of most of the other ones.

The good news: because the different enemies differ in more ways than just their attacks, they actually offer a good bit of variety in play styles. It would be one thing if we were just talking about pallet swaps that play identically, but instead we're dealing with totally different characters that force you to change the way you play the game when you inhabit them.

The bad news: each character has a total of one (!) attack. This might have been acceptable in '91, but it's hard not to think about what it could have been if Avenging Spirit took more of a b'mup approach to the gameplay. Offering totally different movesets along with the changes in attributes could have pushed this game over the edge in terms of sheer greatness, but as it is each character feels way too limited.

Yeah, this is just an action platform game, but that doesn't mean they couldn't have given us more to work with. I mean, say you bought a porno that touts on the cover that it has 21 different girls, but then you watch it and see that none of them ever move out of missionary. Lame.

Like a bad porno, Avenging Spirit has no money shot. What you do in the first level is exactly the same thing you'll be doing the whole way through, except of course a few boss fights. It's kind of odd that there's such extreme variety when it comes to playable characters, but zero variety in level and game design.

Well, I shouldn't say zero per say - there is this one level where it's less of a "point A to point B" affair and more of a "search through all the rooms and backtrack until you find the right way" kind of deal. That doesn't exactly work in the game's favor though; it's more annoying than anything else and really doesn't add the kind of variety I was looking for.

If it's sounding like everything in Avenging Spirit is relying on the character swapping gimmick in order to be fun, that's because...well, it is. Take away the different characters, and you're left with a decidedly sub-par game. While it's definitely an idea that I would love to see taken to the next level, maybe in a b'mup or something, the idea isn't solid enough to completely carry a game. Without a solid base built around it, you're left with nothing but a gimmick.

So, let's take a look at the game while putting the gimmick out of our minds. First we have the levels, which are decidedly tile-based and offer little pizazz or variety; then you have the action, which is dumbed down to an extremely basic level and offers nothing in the way of variety or intensity; and finally we have the actual platforming, which is marred due to poor controls.

Those platforming controls are especially irritating in the levels that require you to jump onto the tiniest little platforms you ever did see. Those work fine in games like Super Mario Bros. where you're given enough control to be able to manage them, but somebody really dropped the ball on the controls in Avenging Spirit. The biggest downfall is the fact that you can't make your character simply fall downwards. When you're in the air, you're stuck between either going left or going right at the same angle and speed. So, for instance, if you're in the air over a platform and just want to go straight down in order to land on it, you'll have to wiggle the stick left and right to snake down onto it. Watching someone trying to platform in Avenging Spirit is like watching Nick Nolte trying to parallel park, except you're not left with the amusing mug shots to look at afterwards.

Unlike the gimmick in Altered Beast, however, this one actually does go a long way towards making up for the game's shortcomings. It's great knowing that any enemy you encounter can be controlled if you want to, and you'll have a blast trying 'em all out. It's always annoying when you see a game that tries to skate by on the heels of a single gimmick (thus me ragging on the game so much), but at the end of the day you really are looking at a fairly solid and fun game. There are better options out there, but at least this one is something a bit different. Like the aforementioned porno this isn't likely to hold your attention for more than half an hour tops, but at least you can walk away from this one without the filthy stench of shame getting all up in your undies.

3/5

Avengers in Galactic Storm

2008-07-28T04:35:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of these ridiculously bad games. Far too tired to bother doing an actual review for one.

Instead, just take a look at this video, and you can draw your own conclusions.

If you're still having trouble, here's the breakdown: this is one of the very worst fighting games in the history of existence and should never be played by anyone for any reason.

1/5

Avengers

2008-07-28T01:49:00.000-07:00

Avengers

Not to be confused with the superhero team, Avengers is one of the few exceptions to the rule that Capcom b'mups rock. While not completely broken, this game is still a gigantic turd that should be avoided at all costs.

Not to be outdone by other games with horribly shallow movesets, Avengers offers you a total of three moves. Punch. Kick. Roundhouse. Yawn. No throws, no desperation moves, no jumping, no nothing.

You would think there would at least be some variety in other ways, but you would be terribly wrong. Here's the first level.

Multiply that times six, and there you have it, the entirety of the game. The only things that change between levels are the tile sets and boss. That's it.

This would be a bit more forgivable is the basic gameplay was fun, but unfortunately, you're out of luck there as well. The hit detection is absolutely atrocious and completely drains all the fun that could have hypothetically been had. It's like...it's like trying to pee into a toilet.

...from five feet away.

...with the lights off.

...while a gorilla tries to ram you with his pleasurestick.

Although truthfully I might prefer that situation over playing Avengers. At least then you'd have a good story to tell afterwards.

Really, the hit detection thing can't be stressed enough. While some of you low-standards types out there might be thinking "hey, I get to punch, kick, and even roundhouse baddies?? Sweet!", you'd only be right half the time. The other half you'll be "missing" while being forced to watch the sprite of your fist colliding with the sprite of the bad guy's head. You have to line up your shots perfectly in order for the game to register it, and it's so hit and miss that you never remotely get a feel for the combat.

Presentation-wise, things don't get much better. While it sports a unique overhead perspective, the levels are extremely repetitive and don't do anything to distract from the horrid gameplay. There are only a handful of different enemy types, and each type is represented by just one sprite.

I mean, what else is there to even say? The game's a piece of crap and the only reason anybody should ever play it is if they're nostalgic about it, and even then I can't imagine someone legitimately enjoying it.

What boggles the mind is the fact that Capcom has seen fit to release this on not one but two of their Capcom Classics compilation. WTF? I mean, they have so many incredible b'mups in their portfolio that have never seen the light of day in those collections - Alien vs Predator, Battle Circuit, D&D: Shadow Over Mystara, Armored Warriors, Cadillacs and Dinosaurs...I'm sure that licensing issues could get in the way of some of those, but come on! Avengers over Battle Circuit and Armored Warriors? Nope, I don't get it. Not one bit.

To be fair, it's not completely broken, and there are definitely worse games you could be playing - but if you have MAME, then why would you even think of booting this up? What a pointless game.

2/5

Aurail

2008-07-27T22:28:00.001-07:00

Aurail

Forcing yourself to play through a game can do funny things to a guy. Making yourself trudge through the final level of something like Altered Beast can make a grown man cry, whereas sometimes you actually have fun with a game you otherwise might have put down after a couple of minutes. Aurail falls into the latter category.

Aurail actually has a lot of appeal before you start playing. It's made by the indomitable Sega, it has an attractive art style, and you get to play as a mech. Don't hate, mechs are frieking sweet, no matter the context. Put some mechs in a Lifetime made-for-tv movie, I'll watch the ****. What do I care, I have no pride. Anything for a little mech action.

That initial excitement, however, is probably going to wear off the second you get your hands on the controls. The first thing you're likely to notice is that your mech is about as graceful as a drunken fat guy trying to run from the cops. Movement is slow and fixed grid-like to 8 directions, bullets also stick to said grid, you can't walk and fire at the same time, and there's no strafing or dodging of any kind. You would think that the game would make enemies and bullets similarly clunky in order to make up for all of this, but you would you be wrong. So very, very wrong.

Bullets fly towards you at mach speeds from all directions. Homing missiles relentlessly lock onto you. Lasers scream towards you without warning. In short, Aurial is hard. Scratch that - Aurial is a mother ****ing monster that will break your spirit and make you question whether or not you can truly call yourself a hardcore gamer.

Here are just a few excerpts from one of my playthroughs.

It's easy to get pissed at the game because of these design choices. At some point, however, you start to change the way you play in order to accommodate for these things. It's then that you realize that yeah, the game is seriously difficult, but it's also possible; it just requires skill, memorization, and a lot of luck.

The analogy that immediately came to mind was the Resident Evil series. While it would be easy to dote on things like the controls or the camera, those are just things that were a part of the design intended to make the game a more frightening experience. Even Resident Evil 4 doesn't allow you to strafe, and it's looking like RE5 isn't going to change that. Just think for a second what it would be like if you could strafe though - all of a sudden, you're looking at something more akin to a run'n'gun than a survival horror action game. Knowing that you either have to back up or turn in your spot and then move totally changes what goes through your head as the zombie hordes close in on you.

Some people are bound to hate that aspect of Aurail, just like many hate those things about the RE series. However, despite those limitations, it's entirely possible to become a badass killing machine...and once you get into the groove, the game really starts to shine. You'll be amazed at some of the feats you can pull off, weaving in and out of bullets, utilizing sound strategy, and compensating for your lack of maneuverability. Just check out what it can look like when you really start owning some fools.

Strategically, this game gives you one real choice to make: offense or defense? You have a single power gauge, and you can choose to either use up chunks of it to give you a shield (your mech dies in one hit, and each unit of shield adds another hit to that), or slowly drain it by sending out your attack drone. While your drone can be useful at times, you also have no way of telling it who exactly to attack, and the mechanic for turning it on and off is a bit too unresponsive for my tastes. Still, it's nice to have a choice like that.

In a turn for the lame, though, Aurail also throws in a handful of first-person segments. Ugh. I know it was supremely novel at the time, but seriously, this kind of crap just does not hold up. The hud is a disaster, it's impossible to tell where things are coming at you from, you'll often die without having a clue what happened, and hell, even the environment is boring.
Speaking of boring environments, you could also say that about the regular sh'mup sections as well. They look nice enough at first, but soon you'll realize that every single level in the game uses the exact same tile set. No running the gamut of various cliche'd environments, it's the same grassy/beachy place the whole way through. The repetitiveness mars the entire presentation, and it's a shame, because with a little more variety that could've been a standout area of Aurail's package.

One last complaint before I put this beast to bed: the checkpoint system. WTF? Two games in a row that just can't get the checkpoint system right. Again, like Atomic Robo-Kid, it's totally random. Sometimes you'll start at the halfway point, other times at the beginning of the level. Hell, don't ask me. I don't make these games, I just review 'em. Thank God this one at least doesn't start you back at a previous level like ARK occasionally would, but it's still ass-tastic nonetheless.

File this one right next to Alex Kidd and Atomic Robo-Kid as a game that appeals only to those hardcore enough to put aside their frustration to learn the ins and outs of it. Like those games, Aurail has the potential to be either painfully disastrous or brilliantly old-school in design and philosophy, depending on whose perspective we're looking from. Personally I think this kind of design has been phased out for a reason, but it still stands as a testament to the fun that can be had from a game that simply refuses to be played casually.

Before you put that quarter in, though, remember this: you have been warned...

3/5

Atomic Robo-Kid

2008-07-26T05:20:00.000-07:00

Atomic Robo-Kid

You know, upon booting up Atomic Robo-Kid, I really thought I was in for another doosey. I had played the game a few times before throughout the years, probably for about thirty seconds each before putting down the controller, yawning, and saying "pass". I mean, honestly, at first glance, this is about as generic as you can get. But, after forcing myself to play through it, I see the simple, Alex Kiddian kind of hook it has going for it. It definitely has it's issues, but when he turns up the heat, this Kid can get Robo-riffic!

I...I'm sorry about that. Moving along...

In the most basic sense, ARK is a free-roaming sh'mup. Though you can choose to walk and jump and such, the vast majority of your time is spent flying. Most of the areas are claustrophobic and there's always tons of bullets flying everywhere, so things can get pretty hectic. To add to that, Robo-Kid is one damn bulky sprite, making maneuvering around bullets very tricky indeed. To make up for this most every bullet is slower than you are, meaning that some sweet acrobatic feats can be pulled off. Just check out this vid I shot of the second stage.

That video also highlights two...interesting features of ARK.

First off, we have the respawning enemies. Flying enemies (none of which are in the second level, but they're plentiful in others) stream at you in infinite numbers, and stationary enemies that you kill respawn almost the second their position leaves the screen. At first, I was friggin' pissed. I thought, "thas some hax bs right thar dood". But then I was all like, "hmm, maybe I just need to play differently...dood". Indeed, once you get it in your head that they'll respawn, you'll cut out the constantly backtracking to avoid bullets stuff and concentrate on bumrushing the levels. Ultimately, it wasn't an issue for me. It's just a design choice I'm pretty neutral about.

The second issue, which may not be as readily apparent, is that of checkpoints. More to the point, they're completely ****ing random. Sometimes you'll get started back at the beginning of the level. Fine, whatever. Next time, you might get started at a halfway point in the level. Alight, I can deal. I don't get why it didn't do that the first time, but it's all good. The time after that, they might just choose to start you at the beginning of the last frieking level you beat.

Seriously, I tried everything I could to find a pattern, but it's totally random. It's like...it's like when I go get fresh donuts for my wife and I at 5 in the morning. I have absolutely zero ****ing way of knowing if it'll be "You're so thoughtful this is just fab!!" or "You sick bastard are you just into chubby chicks or something, have you seen my arms lately??!" Yeah, arms. Don't ask me. Her arms are frieking sticks, and who notices chick's arms, anyway? Chicks and gay dudes, that's who. I mean, if they're just obscenely chunked or muscular or something, sure, but it has to be pretty freaky for me to notice. Otherwise, here's a tip: it ain't your arms we're looking at.

Arms. WTF.

Anyway, point is, it's totally screwed. And it's really a shame that they messed up something so fundamental. I mean, in the big scheme of things, you're playing this on MAME and have infinite quarters to pump into it, so I suppose it isn't really a deal breaker. Still, it can be pretty easy to get discouraged when all of a sudden you're dropped two levels back and have to retrace your steps. Oh hell, and one time - get this - they dropped me two levels back, I died, and then they dropped me back where I originally died. Yes, by dying, I actually progressed forward two levels.

I mean, in that case everything worked out fine, but it's the principle of the matter.

So, that's a biggie, but it will be more important to some people than it will be to others, and ARK does give you plenty of other incentives to keep on truckin'.

For example, though it doesn't have the kind of obvious variety found in other arcade games where they'll throw in a level or two with totally different gameplay, the levels actually mix things up quite a bit. Some are straight lines suited for charging ahead full steam, and others (like the level in the video) are more slow paced and tactical. There are also a good number of well-designed boss fights, and there's even a couple player vs player levels. If you're playing one player, of course, then the other one's a computer, but it's still really fun and intense. The playing field is so tiny that you would expect matches to be over in a matter of seconds, but they can also last quite a while if both of you get into the rhythm.

Like Alex Kidd, ARK is a deceptively simple game that's actually designed really well in some areas and delivers on hardcore, old-school action. It has plenty of glaring flaws and won't appeal to everyone, but if you're one of the ones that "gets it" and can overlook the WTF design choices, you're in for a pretty good time.

3/5

Athena

2008-07-25T23:52:00.001-07:00

Athena

Question: what the hell have I done to deserve this?

...don't answer that.

Unlike some of the other horrible games I've reviewed lately, this one actually sounds good on paper: you play as the goddess Athena, and you roam the countryside amassing various armor and weapons in order to progress through the level. Various armor and weapon upgrades? Sign me up! Oh, and your character is stripped down to a bikini at the beginning of the game. How could this game not rock, you ask? Let me answer that for you...

The main reason behind this game's suck is the difficulty. Now, I know what you're thinking, but I consider myself to be a reasonably skilled gamer. You're not going to see my name in any record books or anything, but I can hold my own. And really, I'm usually not averse to difficult games. This kind of difficulty, however, is the product of bad game design, not from any legitimate challenges.

I seem to recall saying something about how bad the controls were in Altered Beast. Put that out of your mind, because Athena takes broken controls to an entirely different level. Just take a look at this video I shot. Keep in mind, like I said, I'm not like a God of gaming skills or anything, but I'm good enough. I assure you, the madness you're about to see is due to the horrendous controls, not some mental deficiency of the guy playing it.

...dear Lord that was painful.

Seriously, those archer guys have got to be among the most broken enemies I've ever encountered. Not only do they completely rape you with arrows no matter where you are, but it's friggin' impossible to correctly line up a jump to hit them.

Oh, and if you couldn't tell, that first little part of the vid was showing these little green ****ers that randomly pop out of trees. No matter if you had no way of knowing they would do that, they'll pounce your ass and give you zero time to react. So, your solution? Stay the hell away from trees. Good luck with that, given the repetitive level designs that put trees friggin' everywhere.

There were times that I started to find myself having something resembling "fun" while playing Athena. The powerups are kind of cool, and they're definitely a neat idea considering how old this game is. The graphics, while unremarkable, are at least passable. And sometimes, sometimes, the gameplay can be kind of fun.

Then, you'll come to a part where you have no choice but to get utterly trampled by a fiery legion of Hell. You'll have no previous warning, and then come to a spot you can't get out of, where an infinite number of baddies are flying at you. If you have a decent weapon you might stand a chance, but if you don't, then it's back to the beginning with you (yep, it's one of those).

Also, the hit detection is absolutely atrocious. Not only when it comes to hitting enemies and such, but also when it comes to picking up items. Good luck jumping over an unwanted item. That's further aggravated by the fact that the jumping mechanics are just as horrible. I mean, if you have a badass bow and want to not pick up the little stone mallet that just spawned in front of you, then you might as well just accept your fate and pick the damn thing up. You can't rely on your super jump, which is required to jump high enough to avoid the weaksauce weapon, and touching just one pixel of it makes you pick it up with no option to retrieve your previous weapon. Ass.

It's broken. It'll break you. And I need a ****ing break from these horrible games.

1/5

The Astynax

2008-07-24T20:00:00.001-07:00

Ahh geez, here we go. Alright, so The Astynax (more liek The Asstynax m i rite guys??) is another one of these "greased up blonde body builder goes all medieval up in here" games that were so popular in the late 80's/early 90's. How in the world did we ever put up with this crap? Seriously, I know that there are some games out there now with questionable aesthetics, but did we really ever think this kind of thing was cool? Really? Anyway, like most of these types of games, the gameplay is about as radical as the art style. Which is to say, no. Dear sweet Jesus no. Get it away from me. Do I really have to do this review? I do? *sigh*

Alright, well...so, if you don't attack for a while your energy builds up, giving you a flaming axe attack. And there's a magic powerup you can get. And the colors are actually pretty bright and good looking.

Now that I've covered every single redeeming element to be found here, let's move on to the ass.

I'm not just talking about normal ass here, people. I'm talking about festering caverns of bunghole. Like Goatse style. Speaking of which, if you don't get that reference, go ahead and point your browser over to Google image search so we can be on the same page. Don't forget to take off that pesky family filter!

You back? Good. That experience you just had? That's about as close to this game as you're going to get without playing it.

At least the game is generous enough to provide you with an attack. Yes, an attack, no plural there. Well, there's the aforementioned charge and magic attacks, and of course a jumping and crouching one, but...okay, so you get 5 attacks total. 5. Seriously? Armored Warriors had 15 different parts to outfit your mech with, each of which offers a ton of different moves. That's 3 times as many just in the number of interchangeable parts.

"But but Astynax came out in 1989!!" Yeah, so did Cadash, Dynasty Wars, Final Fight, and Stider, to name a few. While those games might have also had limited movesets, those shortcomings were offset by other things. Cadash had RPG elements. Dynasty Wars had unique gameplay and cool specials. Final Fight was the father of the b'mup. And Strider? Strider's just the ****ing man, man.

So games were finding ways to make up for the limited movesets. What does Astynax give you, besides something that feels similar to being anally violated? Well, let's take a little inventory: there's the endless hordes of mindless enemies that are recycled throughout the whole game, the God-awful unresponsive controls that seem to have a crush on Altered Beast, the cheap gameplay that's guaranteed to make you lose faith in God, the fact that there's absolutely no variety throughout the entire game, the impossible bosses, the horrible aesthetic, the fact that there's nothing at all to set itself apart from the myriad of other games just like this, and most of all, the fact that there's simply zero fun to be had here in any way, shape, or form.

Look, I'm reviewing games on MAME here. MAME has literally thousands of games you can play on it. It has just about every single 2D arcade game from the 70's, 80's, and 90's. Why, then, would anybody waste their time on something like this? Hell, why did you even bother to read this? Come to think of it, why did I bother to review it?? What the hell?! For real, that's thirty minutes of my life I'll never get back, not to mention that assberry flavor that's going to linger in my mouth for days. Ugh. I need a shower. Do I really have to spell out the score for you?

1/5

Astra Superstars

2008-07-24T12:06:00.000-07:00

Astra Superstars

This isn't as much a review as it is a general recommendation. Astra Superstars unfortunately doesn't work properly on the version of MAME that I have, what with all the slowdown and graphical glitches and stuff. Still, even through all that mess, it's obvious there's a really unique and fun game underneath it. Somewhere.

So, another anime-style 2D fighter, another glorious set of anime stereotypes. You've got the chick showing gratuitous underboob, the chick showing gratuitous normal-style cleavage, the loli, and the trap. Oh yeah, and a bunch of dudes. But come on now.

The hook here, aside from the underboob, is that you're constantly flying while you fight. What does that mean from a gameplay standpoint? Er, nothing much, actually. I mean, you can hit them from above to send them reeling downwards, but they come right back like they're rubber-banded to a single plain. Plain? Plane? ...playn? Ah **** it. So yeah, it's all rubber-banded together, so in actual practice the whole flying thing doesn't change things up as much as you would think. Sort of like the Kool-Ade that magically changes colors - it might change your fruit punch to a kind of murky blue, but it still has that familiar blend of fruits and ass we all know and love.

And like that familiar assberry flavor, anyone that's ever played a 2D fighter will feel right at home here. To pull off cool looking moves, jam the joystick in circular motions while pressing a random button of your choosing. To pull off even cooler looking moves, jam the joystick in circular motions while pressing every button at the same time. That's the type of strategy this reviewer can really sink his teeth into.

Follow this simple guide and you'll see some really cool stuff. The specials are all well animated and showy, and it's great fun trying to see 'em all.

Really, there's a pretty badass game somewhere down there. It has an art style similar to Waku Waku 7 (probably because it was made by the same team), which is high praise. And when you see it running like it was supposed to be, it's hard not to be a bit envious of the people that own the Saturn version.

So, you get the idea. Cool anime style 2D fighter that's super noob-friendly and doesn't quite work right with MAME. Still, even though it has the performance issues, give it a try. There are far worse things you could be doing with your time. Like trying to convince me that Altered Beast isn't a flaming hunk of ****.

Asterix

2008-07-24T08:11:00.000-07:00

Asterix

For what it's worth, Konami b'mups always have an excellent presentation. The colors are bright, the sprites expressive, the animation top-notch, and the whole look just feels alive. Among these fine games are the likes of the beloved X-Men and The Simpsons, which many regard as two of the best b'mups of all time. While I take exception to that, I do have to admit that they're damn fine games, and Asterix follows in their footsteps. But like a drunk chick on spring break trying to take a sobriety test, those footsteps don't exactly fall where they should.

Presentation-wise, the shoe definitely fits, and for 1992 this was definitely a "feet" of graphical ingenuity. These foot puns doin' anything for you? No? Alright, fine. Anyway, the cartoony animation is just fabulous. The way that soldiers crawl away from you after you defeet them is priceless. OKAY OKAY **** it I'll stop now. Toejam. AARRRGGGGHHHH okay I'm all out, couldn't do any more if I wanted to (which I don't...minus the n't).

So, the presentation's fab, as one would expect from a Konami b'mup. And while that alone is enough to carry Asterix a long way, it's so lacking in other areas that it would be hard to keep on playing even if you could. What do I mean by that, I hear your grubby little fingers typing angrily in the comment section? Well, unless I'm doing something wrong, it seems that Asterix follows the old-school game design of giving you a certain amount of continues and then starting you back at the beginning, no matter how many coins are in the slot. Maybe I'm not l33t enough (lol ya right), but I can't stand that kind of game design these days. It's not "hrdk0r", it's just friggin' stupid.

Why am I going to waste my time perfecting my Asterix skillz so I can get past the first few levels? I'm a busy man, I've got things to do, like...post blogs, and...you know...I don't know, things. Things that need doing! Anything but getting all hax0r in Asterix.

I mean, sure, give me a game like Guardians and I'll spend the time to learn all the intricacies needed to pwn da noobs, but Asterix isn't really giving me much to work with. Like most other Konami b'mups, the combat system is pretty bare-bones. You have one combo, a throw, a jump attack, a charge attack, and a slide. There aren't even any desperation moves, though sometimes Little Dog Matix will bring you a powerup that let's you get all buck up in there.

Speaking of Little Dog Matix, one thing I will give this game credit for is using the Asterix and Obelix license extremely well. For those of you tilting your head sideways like my dog does when he catches me prancing around the house in my skivvies, Asterix and Obelix is actually an extremely popular license over in Europe, and has been since what, the 60's or so? I don't know why I'm asking you, but I'm too lazy to look it up. Anyway, yeah, they love that ****. Eat it up like crumpets. They got comics, movies, the works. I had one of the movies when I was a kid and I lapped it up. I think it was in French, but hell, I was something like 90% deaf as a child, lay off.

You certainly don't have to be hard of hearing to get a kick out of this game, though! Holy crap that was a bad transition. Whatever. So no, really though, as much as I've been ragging on it, and as much as it sucks to have to start over all the time, it's still pretty dang entertaining. The game does a decent job at throwing just enough new things at you to keep you wondering what's coming up next. See, there's even a chariot racing minigame!

Actually, that little piece isn't exactly helping it's cause (it sucks), but still, it's an effort.

So how important is presentation to you? I mean, would you bang Scarlett Johanson? What about if you also had to put up with her talking all night about how indie it was of her to make an album of Tom Waits covers?

Like a night out with ol' Scarlet J, the sights might hold your interest for a while, but you'll ultimately find that it's a completely empty experience, and that it burns when you pee. Foot.

3/5

Armored Warriors

2008-07-24T04:04:00.000-07:00

Armored Warriors

Armored Warriors had extremely low distribution across all territories, and it's really a shame; had people had ample opportunities to get their hands on it, this easily could have been recognized by the general gaming public as the classic it is. Instead, what we have is a somewhat obscure predecessor to Cyberbots: Fullmetal Madness that, while flawed, hits a ton of the right notes.

First off, you have to understand that this reviewer is an absolute b'mup junkie. It's by far my favorite arcade genre, and I've played just about every notable one there's ever been (the only exceptions being those released on the Saturn, and trust me - I cry myself to sleep every night knowing that I've never played Guardian Heroes). I say "arcade genre" because my love to 3D platformers gives it a serous run for it's money, and choosing between the two outright would be like choosing between children.

That's a long way of saying that I'm extremely picky when it comes to b'mups. Having played most of the best ones ever made, it takes a lot to impress me; but when I first played Armored Warriors a few years back, it did just that, and still does to this day.

One of the reasons for this is because of the mechanics that have not been replicated in any other b'mup since, namely the interchangeable parts. Since your characters all pilot mechs, you're able to switch out different parts of your mech with others that you either find or rip from the baddies. Among these are different projectile weapons, arms, and also legs. There are around 15 different parts in all, which leads to a great deal of customization. And because of the way they're gradually introduced as you progress through the game, there's always a sense of anticipation to see what the next new part is going to be.

At first, it might be kind of easy to get discouraged with the new parts available. One of the first you'll encounter is the drill arm, which actually drastically reduces your moveset. Whereas before you would be able to combo in a few different ways, you're now limited to just one attack of each type (for example, one basic attack, one attack where you press forward+A, etc). However, as you're introduced to different types of arms (especially my personal favorite, the combo-heavy laser arm), legs, and guns, things start to open up a bit. Not every arm is as limited as the drill arm, and finding the combination of parts that you like best is extremely satisfying. Of particular note are the different legs you can get, each of which gives you a wealth of new moves.

You have four characters to choose from, each with a very distinctive play style. As you could probably guess, there's the average guy in red, the lanky hand-to-hand specialist in blue, the slow and powerful green guy, and the quick and weak yellow chick. Similar to a game like Alien vs Predator, each character has a very different feel to them, and requires different strategies to excel with. As always, having these types of options really opens up the gameplay and lends to some extremely welcomed variety.

Character selection and weapon loadouts aren't the only areas that offer variety, though. Throughout the game you'll also find a couple of those lovely constantly-moving-forward sections (such as those found in Alien Storm, among many others), and these are definitely some of the funnest around. You're given unlimited ammo, which feels friggin' awesome considering how limited your supply usually is. Considering how great the explosions look in this game, these sections feel extremely satisfying in every way.

The explosions aren't the only thing in Armored Warriors that looks great; the whole game is just brimming with personality and an overall glorious presentation. It reeks of that typical Capcom style we all know and love. The sprites are crisp and clean, a lot of action can be happening all at once, it has some great environmental damage, and it's all just loaded with an extraordinary amount of detail.

But no matter how good they look, what are giant mechs if they can't transform to make one uber-mech? Thankfully, Capcom has us covered. When playing with two or three people, you're able to come together for boss fights into a huge super robot, and the results are just as awesome as one would expect.

However, like I said at the beginning of this review, Armored Warriors is not without it's flaws. While the various weapon loadouts are undeniably awesome, some of them (like the aforementioned drill arm) greatly reduce your moveset, so it kind of sucks getting stuck with something that actively makes the game less fun (you'll have to wait until a different part comes along, since you can't just switch whenever you like). And as great as that whole concept is, it's hard to not be left wanting more. While 15 is a good number for all the different parts, it's an idea that's just begging to be brought to another level.

Also, the game certainly isn't as strategy based as other great b'mups, like Guardians or the D&D games. Compared to games like that, Armored Warriors is a straight up button masher. While this leads to a more pick-up-and-play type of game that anybody can get into, it would be nice to have a bit more depth to the combat. On a similar note, if you're playing to try and actually do good or single credit it or something, you'll find that there are only one or two moves that you really need, and that the various arms are nowhere near balanced.

But honestly, how could I hold things like this against Armored Warriors too much? Yeah, of course I'm left wanting more, because what's here is so badass. It's not like there's a lack of content or something. And yeah, I would prefer a bit more strategy to the combat, but there's nothing wrong with being aimed towards a more casual play experience. All in all, despite it's shortcomings, Armored Warriors stands out from the extremely crowded b'mup set as one of the most unique and fun games of the genre. It has variety in spades, wonderful presentation, and the ability to form a gigantic mech to utterly pwn the bosses. What more could anyone want out of a game?

5/5

Armed Police Batrider

2008-07-23T02:17:00.000-07:00

Armed Police Batrider

Note: in order to fully experience this game the way I'm reviewing it, I suggest that you either play the Korean version or mess around with the dipswitches in the Japanese version so that you start off with all of the unlockables. Unless of course you want to earn them the old-fashioned way, but come on now.

Sh'mups as a genre have been through quite a lot in their three-plus decades of existence. It was one of, if not the, first genres to grace the medium; it's had classics like Galaga and Space Invaders that are considered to be among the most important games of all time; and it went through a revival in the 90's thanks to series like Raiden and Aero Fighters. Then, sometime in the mid-to-late 90's, things changed. Although they had somewhat successfully stood by fighters since the 1991 release of Street Fighter 2 as "that other type of game you'll see a ton of in every arcade", the general public's interest started to fade. The flashier sh'mups of the early 90's had lost their glisten, and the market became over-saturated by disgustingly average clones. So what was the genre to do?

The same thing any great genre does when it faces adversity - it heads to the underground.

Along came DonPachi, developed by Cave and released by Atlus in 1995. It wasn't the first bullet hell sh'mup - off the top of my head, 1993's Batsugun comes to mind - but in some ways, it was the first to really matter. You see, DonPachi wasn't made for everybody; it was made for the sh'mup elite, those who had grown tired of the mediocre Raiden clones but still yearned for their favorite genre. It might have taken ungodly reflexes and a taste for masochism, but DonPachi found it's audience.

This, in turn, sparked an underground revolution, known by few but cherished by those fortunate enough to be a part of it. It's in this wake that we find Armed Police Batrider.

APB actually forgoes many of the genre conventions that are popular nowadays. There are no funky ways of chaining to get high scores, no points for bullets grazing your ship, and no oddball gimmicks to differentiate itself from the pack. Instead, we're left with the two most important staples of bullet hell; tons of crap flying at you at all times, and a tiny hit-box on your ship to make up for it.

What that means is that, though your ship may appear to be fairly bulky, bullets have to hit it directly in the center for the hit to count. Normally when games go this route it leads to some extremely intense moments of dodging and weaving through complicated curtains of bullets you never would have thought you could survive, and APB is certainly no exception.

However, I would say that, from a purely gameplay standpoint, APB is a bit harder to get into than many other bullet hell sh'mups, which is saying something. Comparing this to something like Progear, APB's bullet curtains are much less user-friendly. Attacks can come from all sides and with short notice, bullets fly faster than you would expect, and noobies can expect to die every thirty seconds or so. Unlike Progear, which is certainly bullet hell but also something even noobies could do pretty well in just by using twitch reflexes, APB really requires a good bit of memorization in order to excel.

Now, should I fault the game for this? Eh, yes and no. On the one hand, I always try to be as objective as possible, leaving personal preferences out of it...but on the other hand, I believe that it's bad design to make something to where it simply has to be memorized. It might be "hardcore", but games like Progear and Guwange have proven that it doesn't have to be that way, that even relative newcomers can thrive if they have enough twitch reflex skills. But unless you're some kind of twitch God, those skills alone aren't nearly enough to keep from dying every thirty seconds in APB. And it's a shame, because that's about the only thing wrong with this game.

One of the huge things going for it, a trait lacking in many other sh'mups, is something you wouldn't think would make a big difference for games like this: personality. While most games are content with just giving you one or two nameless jets to fly around in, APB gives you a mind numbing 18 different planes and pilots to choose from. 18. Frieking amazing. Not only that, but each one is unique in just about every way. They all have unique personalities (drawn in a fantastic art style), main weapons, bombs, side weapons, and attributes. It's incredibly fun to mess around with all of them and find your favorites. You'll be surprised at just how different each fighter really is, especially when you see some of the crazier bomb moves, like these gigantic Buzzsaws of Doom.

What's more, instead of just choosing one plane for each playthrough, you get to make a team of three. (Note: on the second foreign language menu, choose the second option from the top in order to make your own team. The first option just lets you select from the preset teams, and the bottom two randomly choose for you) It should also be noted that you can switch any, all, or none of your characters after each death, lending some much welcomed variety to each and every play.

The levels and enemies give you just as much variety. Whether you're shattering glass in a mall, bombing a parking lot and watching the great environmental destruction on display, or fighting a gigantic ninja on a beach-side highway, it's always a treat seeing what's waiting for you on the next level.

Audio-wise, APB is similar to Marvel vs Capcom 2, with a kind of jazz/funk vibe going on. Yeah, it sucks. I suppose this kind of music has it's fans as the game takes it's time to let you know the name of each song every time it changes, but I think most people would agree with me that it's best to have iTunes going on in the background.

ABP could stand to be a bit less memorization-based, and the music is ass, but other than that you're looking at one of the best sh'mup packages you're likely to ever come across. I certainly have my gripes about the gameplay, but at the same time, there's definitely an audience for that school of design. It's saying a whole lot that, despite my complaints about that, I love this game so much.

I've been really conflicted about how to score this one. Out of the two complaints I have with it, one of them is a pretty big one. But at the same time, you just don't see games with this much personality, 18 fighters, and great level and enemy design, not to mention unlockable weapons and tons of secrets to be found. Well hell...when I put it like that, there's really not much of a decision to make.

5/5

R3 Interview: Brian Colin

2008-07-20T19:16:00.000-07:00

- When someone plays a Brian Colin game, they can immediately tell what it is simply from the art style. Was coming up with this distinct style a collaborative effort, or can we blame you for it? Also, what is it that you think separates this art style from other fun, cartoony 2D looks games have sported over the years?

Spence,

I’m afraid that, for better or worse, my art style is simply my art style…. can’t blame anyone else.

I produced some animated films in college that won a number of international awards, so I pretty much always assumed that I’d become a film animator; ...right up until I discovered just how mind-numbingly tedious an entry-level film animation job could be. (If you’re interested, one of my animated short films “IN SEARCH OF A PLOT” can be viewed at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=riDPA0aULZs ) I worked for a couple of years after college as a freelance cartoonist, doing Ads for local agencies & newspapers, until I answered an ad for an animator placed by the Bally/Midway company in Franklin Park, Illinois in July of 1982.

From the first, the limitations of the system (16 colors, 32x32 sprites) challenged me to adapt my cartoon style, which was basically a B+W Pen & Ink style, to a medium that had no room for outlines, hash marks, line weight, or any of the techniques I had relied on for so many years. I love a challenge; and the inherent weirdness of working with light meant that I had to learn that a green pixel to the left of a red pixel looked dramatically different than a red pixel to the left of a green pixel. My on-screen art is nothing more than my efforts to bring my cartoon style to a strange new world.

- From an artistic standpoint, what is your favorite game that you've worked on?

Pigskin gave me an opportunity to create a wide variety of characters, and Zwackery allowed me to invent an entire fantasy environment, but the emotional expressiveness of the Rampage characters make them my favorite of any of my early arcade games. My favorite overall art effort has got to be our relatively new PC game Arctic Stud Poker Run, a game in which I created a wildly diverse, multi-species population in an entirely new mythological universe. (Its 3D, but I think the models capture the essence of my 2D cartoon style perfectly.)

- And from a gameplay standpoint?

Pigskin is still my favorite head-to-head arcade game, Discs of Tron is my favorite skill game, Rampage World Tour is my favorite mindless time waster, Puck Shot is my favorite touchscreen skill game and Wild Pitch (never Released) is my favorite mainstream sports game… but my favorite game from a “gameplay standpoint” is Arctic Stud Poker Run … a multiplayer FPS-Off Road Racing-Poker tournament that features an INCREDIBLE amount of strategy in a ridiculous, seemingly mindless, battlegame format.

- Talk about your collaborations with Jeff. Are there specific roles that you two usually play when working on a game, such as you focusing more on the artistic side and him more on the technical side, or is everything a totally collaborative experience?

We’re very different individuals; and I’m convinced that that’s what makes us a great team. I do art, he does programming, but we both understand what’s involved in the other’s area of expertise, and we each have an enormous amount of respect for what the other person brings to the table. There is a certain amount of “flow and ebb” on the game design side of things, but nothing gets into a game unless both of us agree that it’s the right thing to do.

- Yes, I must ask: what's the deal with Sons of Chaos?? Will we ever see any kind of update to the original groundbreaking game (one of my all-time favorites)? Thinking about a possible version for the DS is making me seriously salivate.

Nine months ago, I would have said it’s a done deal… But the client has pushed the start date back several times already, and I’m beginning to suspect that Sons of Chaos may not happen anytime soon. (BTW, You’re not alone… we get more interest from fans about a General Chaos sequel than all of our other titles combined! Now if only those fans had deep pockets and/or worked for a major publisher….)

- With the rising popularity of the Playstation Network, Xbox Live Arcade, and Wii Ware, do you have any plans on entering those markets? If so, are you planning on revisiting any of your old franchises, whether they're "official" sequels or not (due to licensing and copyright issues)?

We typically only go where clients ask us to go… as a small company, we seldom develop anything without a manufacturer or publisher lined up in advance.

- What is your opinion on emulation? Specifically, arcade emulators such as MAME, and even more specifically, games that are no longer in print. As a designer, what do you think of people playing your games via these methods?

If it lets people enjoy my older games, I’m all for it. (Although sometimes the lack of proper controls can make the experience quite disappointing.)

- What are your thoughts on 2D games vs 3D games? Would you like to go back to making 2D games, or is that all history now?

I’m less concerned with how a game is presented; I’m more interested with whether or not it entertains. I think 3D is a great tool, and I think the look can be wonderful, but I also think that too many 3D developers aren’t really challenging themselves, relying instead on the inherent eye-candy of 3D to make tired concepts appear interesting. I’d rather play a great 2D game than watch a gorgeous 3D intro.

I’ve been developing sprite-based games for a brand-new coin-operated touchscreen technology, the TouchTunes Play Portt, for the past year. Some look 2D and cartoony, some look 3D and cartoony, but all of them are FUN. The units look similar to other Bar-top games, but these lightweight, PORTABLE game systems are designed to be brought back a players’s table, making them a vast improvement over the current Bar-Mounted touchscreen systems.

A big part of what makes game design fun for me is the challenge of “pushing against the box’, that is, treating the limitations as challenges that can be surmounted through a bit of creative thinking. Sometimes you’re trying to overcome hardware or system limitations, such as the non-animating background in Rampage, or the non-scrolling hardware in Arch Rivals... but the challenge of touchscreen “skill” games is the intended audience: baby-boomer-age bar patrons with limited attention spans, a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other! For me, the smaller scope of these games means a return to pure coin-op design: ...simple yet engaging concepts with well-tuned, player-friendly play mechanics that can be conceived, developed, tested and released within a very short period of time. We’re cranking out a couple of new games about every three months, and there’s no end in sight.

- Are there any major 2D games using your famous art style that you've always wanted to make, but never have? If so, could you lay out the premise a bit, and say if there's any chance of it ever being made?

After General Chaos, we started on two more Sega genesis titles for EA, Major Havoc and Plunder. However, EA asked us to set them aside to develop games for their short-lived Arcade division, and I was always sorry we never got to finish them. The first was, as you might have already guessed, a Chaos sequel, but the second was a truly unique Tomb Robbing game unlike anything anyone’s ever seen, before or since.

- Is there any chance of seeing games coming from Game Refuge that feature that signature 2D style, or are you going to stick with 3D? If it's the latter, does this have more to do with your personal desires, or because there's not much of a market out there for 2D games? Please don't take that the wrong way, I'm not trying to insinuate anything at all, I was just wondering =D

As noted above, my 2D style is still alive and kickin, (i.e., Fishin’ Hole on the new Playportt) although these days it does often make mores sense to adapt my 2D characters to 3D models (i.e., Arctic Stud).

I’ll keep making my cartoon-style games as long as folks still want to play ‘em.

Thank you so much for your time Brian. Your work has really inspired me over the years and the gaming community as a whole owes you a big thanks for the awesome contributions you've made to video games.

You’re very welcome…. I love hearing from folks who have enjoyed our efforts over the years. And for the readers of your Blog who are really, really interested in video arcade history… I urge them to check out the gamerefuge channel on YouTube. Or better still, visit www.gamerefuge.com and pick up a copy of the hour-long DVD Documentary “So, You Wanna Be a Videogame Designer…?” which features interviews with arcade designers like Jeff Nauman, Eugene Jarvis, Ed Boon, Jack Hagaer and yours truly over a period of 15 years.

Take care,

Brian

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